A Letter from an Anxious Mom to her Little Budding Rockstar
So you want to be a rockstar? Well, go ahead. Your dad and I won’t try to stop you like when you wanted to be a skydiver and we had to push you off a table to educate you on the salient features of gravity. We’re taking a more mature stance this time. Today, I’m writing this letter to say that we’re happy for you and that we will not succumb to the little voices in our heads telling us that this career choice is absolutely disastrous. We even got a Keychain for you from Hard Rock Cafe to show our support.
I’m sure if you work hard you’ll make many friends, meet lots of interesting women and have plenty of fun. Some of my best memories are from incredible rock shows. But before you set sail on the murky waters of rock n’ roll, the only advice your dad and I can give you today is don’t throw caution to the wind…
I vividly recall the 1992 Metallica concert in Montreal. Your dad took me for it on our first date and it was a riot! We held hands throughout the show and I felt a fire coursing through my veins. Maybe the flame of our passion burned so bright that the universe sort of caught on to it- at the very least, James Hettfield sure did. He literally went up in smoke during “Fade to Black” when one of the stage pyrotechnics went off near his face.
I’m sure you don’t want to replicate Nirvana’s Krist Novoselic’s bass throw manoeuvre at the MTV Video Music Awards. A little hand-eye coordination post hurling the guitar towards the far reaches of our stratosphere would probably have helped Krist avoid a horrible concussion on its descent back to earth
Having said that, your apprehension towards participating in physically demanding activities does reassure me slightly. I can’t picture you as the type of person who would blindly run around onstage (or offstage), unlike some of your rock n’ roll peers. Dad and I can rest assured knowing that you won’t attempt to pull a Steven Tyler, who appears to have put a rather literal spin on his hit single (“Falling in Love is Hard on the Knees”) in order to drive home a point.
On the other hand, his affliction appears to be contagious so don’t ever let your guard down- Tyler’s buddy Dave Grohl appears to have followed in his footsteps (pun intended), replicating the Aerosmith frontman’s tumble off stage at a Foo Fighter concert in Sweden this June.
Lastly, you may have noticed that I have laid out extra woolly underwear on your bedside table. This is in order to minimise the impact of sustained testicular injury in the event of a collision between your groin and cannon streamers intended to hurl confetti into the crowd. I’ll bet Delain’s Otto Schimmelpenninck wishes his mom had been perspicacious enough to do the same when he endured the aforementioned injury during a gig in November, 2014.
Anyway, I’m sure you’ll do great! Don’t sweat the small stuff. We’ll support you come what may (except with regards to footing unanticipated medical bills). I love you and you must always remember that your dad and I won’t think any less of you if, after reading this letter, you decide to play it safe and become a DJ instead.
Source of Keychain- Hard Rock Cafe in Dubai